Life is Hard. Always Has Been, Always Will Be. Our Attitude Makes All the Difference.

Growing up we had a sandbox in our back yard. I think it began with some sort of boundaries and then my mom got tired of trying to keep the sand in those boundaries and just had the truck deliver sand and pour it around the maple tree in the back yard. It was the meeting place for our neighborhood. Life was good in our sandbox in Hope, Indiana, where we were loved and nurtured by our families and neighborhood.

We often went to our grandparents farm, my mom’s parents, about ten minutes from our house in town where we shared meals and working in the garden with our extended family.  I hated snapping green beans back then but now I often remember those times fondly because we all sat on the porch together telling stories and snapping beans. We were loved and nurtured by our family on that farm.

This past week I sat around the table with my 94-year-old uncle, 93 year-old aunt, 92 year-old aunt, my 86 year-old mom and three of their first cousins. Wow I hope I have inherited some of those genes! We sat and shared many stories of their time of growing up and I am reminded that life is hard. It always has been. It always will be. It is our attitude that makes all the difference in how we live our life.

I think the first time I realized that life is really hard is when two weeks before my 13^th birthday my dad had a massive heart attack and died. My brother was a marine fighting in Viet Nam. My little brother was six and now my mom was a single mom. I can’t begin to imagine how hard that was for my mom and my brothers.  What I do know is that my world was forever changed and that I would spend years trying to heal from the loss of my father. I made many mistakes in my search to heal from this loss.

One of the easiest ways for us to keep life simple is to remember three G’s for a deeper and more solid faith: Grieve fully, feel Gratitude profoundly, and be humble enough to do the Grunt work! That is it, really. It is that simple and that hard. We need to stay open enough to feel the grief of those who have died or left, we need to never forget the gratitude for all the mercy we have been given, and we need to always just do the grunt work and not complain about it! Sometimes when we try to explain it more, we just dilute the message. And the message is simply Love Heals.

An Excerpt from Letters from the Farm  Becca Stevens

Several years ago I chose to no longer be a victim and to begin to live life with an attitude of forgiveness and gratitude. Many blessings have come these last few years. But just when I think life will not be hard, I am again reminded that life is hard. It always has been. It always will be. It is my attitude that will make a difference in how I live my life. 

“This is the day the Lord hath made. Let me be glad and rejoice in it.”

More Wisdom from the Apple Tree

Wisdom From The Apple Tree

Uproot Bad Habits.

To my Grandchildren

Removing the Masks

For a big part of my life I have been hiding behind masks. I hide behind masks because I am a people pleaser and I want everyone to love me. I also hide behind masks because I have been deeply hurt by events in my life.

A few years ago I got tired of wearing masks so I decided to start taking them off. I spent time digging underneath the reasons for wearing the masks. This process has not happened overnight but has been a journey of discovery. We often wonder why but we never take the time to journey inside.  I recommend this beautiful pilgrimage of finding your True Self.

Some times I might put a mask back on. But now I am aware when I put it on. I spend time reflecting about why I had the need to hide behind the mask. The wisdom from removing the masks and acknowledging when I put one back on has helped me to grow my relationship with God and with others.

What masks are you wearing? What would it feel like to begin to take them off and discover your True Self?

Sharing My Story

This past year at the University of Indianapolis I had the privilege of reviving a series called "Sharing My Story." Students, faculty and staff shared their stories of God's call in their lives.  Each person that shared their story loved the practice of reflecting over their life and being able to share their story. What a gift it was for them and for all of us who got to hear their story. 

One of the stories was titled "God is Good All The Time." After the faculty member ended his story and asked for questions, one student stated that she wanted a part 2 of his story. She wanted to know how he could say God was good all the time after he had shared the terrible things that had happened to him in life. He explained that it had been a journey that did not happen over night.

As a Spiritual Director it is my job to help others tell their sacred stories by listening and giving tools that can help them discover their sacred stories.  I'm working on a program for this upcoming year that will provide ways of putting together our stories and help to go deeper on the journey.

A timeline is a good place to start. So if you are interested in beginning the process of reflecting over your life, I hope this will give you a place to start.

Comparison of Helping Relationships

Grandma's Faith

This morning I am thinking of my grandma Duke. She woke up every morning, got dressed, made her coffee and sat at the kitchen table reading her Bible. Thank you grandma for your faith and guidance.
“That precious memory triggers another: your honest faith—and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice, and now to you! And the special gift of ministry you received when I laid hands on you and prayed—keep that ablaze! God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible.”
2 Timothy 1:5-7 MSG

Praying for Those Who Are Running for President

This morning I woke up and decided that today instead of criticizing those running for President of the United States, I would begin praying for them. Today Lord I pray for Hilary Clinton, Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders. Lord use these presidential candidates to further your kingdom. Remove the evil and the greed from their hearts. Open their eyes and ears to see what they are doing to the American people and to the world. Give them strength to stand up to the evil one. Give them wisdom to monitor what comes out of their mouths. Give them knowledge to help us recover from the huge debt and to not take on more debt then we can handle. Help them to see that middle-class America is being destroyed.  Help them to wake up the American people to the fact that they need to work and life is not a free handout. Remind the American people about the sacrifices of the many soldiers who have died defending our freedom.  Give us a reason to respect our government again. Give others a reason to respect America again. Lord may we spend more time acting like Christ in our words and actions. Lord watch over and protect Hilary, Donald and Bernie.  Lord I hope others will join me in praying and asking You to guide all of us. Amen.


"Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven." Psalm 107:28-30

Welcome in My Shadow

"Shadows are the stories we do not like about ourselves....Everyone around us sees them, but we don't see them ourselves."  Until we welcome in our shadows and acknowledge them we will repress them and project them on to others.  When you notice a trait or a feeling that really bothers you in someone else, take a close look because it could be your shadow.

We despise shadows, we overlook them and explain them away. We are embarrassed by them.  If you think of yourself as a "nice person" you try really hard to repress any mean thoughts or feelings.  I am looking closely at my feelings when conflict arises in me when I am interacting with others and asking myself "Where do I see this in me?"

The Shadow Self

Recently I met with my Spiritual Director and I shared my frustrations about dealing with someone that seemed very arrogant to me.  She suggested that I write the word "arrogance" on a piece of paper and begin a dialogue with it.  The more I carried on a dialogue with the word arrogance the more I discovered the arrogance in me.

Recognizing my shadow self of arrogance I was able to put away my frustrations with the person I felt was being extremely arrogant. You see, in many ways, it was actually my arrogance that was being played out in our conversations.

Digging deeper into my shadow self is helping me to grow in my faith. As I recognize my shadows, I am able to welcome them in and get to know the real me.

Mary Chose What was Better. Will you?

True and False Disciples

21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ 23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ Matthew 7:21-23

I read this Bible verse this morning and it spoke to me about the discussion of boundaries that I have been co-leading during Lent. Perhaps when we try to enter the kingdom of heaven we will say “Lord, Lord, didn’t we help all those people? Didn’t we help others even when we were too tired and burned out? Didn’t we give up our own well being to help others? Didn’t we pick up other’s burdens so life would be easier for them? We were wide open without boundaries so we were always available to help everyone. We stayed busy all the time doing good."

And perhaps the Lord will look at us and say but “I never knew you because you did not take the time to get to know me.”

Healing and becoming a Wounded Healer

I read a book a couple of years ago called Healing the Eight Stages of Life by Matthew and Dennis Linn and their sister Sheila Fabricant. It started me on a path of forgiveness. "So often our hurts go way back to our parents....."  As I reflected on my past marriage, I began to see how our past had influenced us and that we had not been able to heal from those hurts.

"When adults are asked about the most unhappy or stressful time in their life, they usually pick the teenage years." I was twelve years old, actually two weeks before my thirteen birthday, when my father passed away.  Eric Erikson's eight stages of life tell me that I was in the stage of Identity vs. Identity Confusion (12-18 years of age). I've spent my whole life trying to find my identity and my self esteem.  When conflict arose, I went into hiding because I didn't have healthy boundaries. I did not know where to draw the lines.

When my ex-husband was three years old, his mother had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized. He was sent to live with his aunt and uncle who lived out of town. Eric Erikson calls the stage between eighteen months to three years the stage of autonomy vs shame and doubt. "Anyone around a two-year-old knows that child's favorite words: "no," "my," "mine," "I." Reflecting on the possibility that my ex-husband had been so severely hurt at age three, I could see the possibility that he had not been able to grow out of the stage of "I".  I began to look back on his behavior and see him as a three-year-old throwing a temper tantrum and how everything revolved around his wants and needs.

The journey to forgiveness began when I searched deeper for the why. I will never fully understand the why but at least I could forgive and move on in life. By not hiding my wounds but opening them up to be examined, I allowed my wounds to heal. I have become a wounded healer.
  

Love is a Spiritual Discipline

Love is a Spiritual Discipline

Cindy Sturgeon

⁴⁴ But I tell you this: love your enemies. Pray for those who torment you and persecute you— ⁴⁵ in so doing, you become children of your Father in heaven. He, after all, loves each of us—good and evil, kind and cruel. He causes the sun to rise and shine on evil and good alike. He causes the rain to water the fields of the righteous and the fields of the sinner. Matthew 5:44-45 (The Voice)

Why does Jesus tell us to love our enemies? Really, who wants to love their enemies?

How does your body feel when you hate?  I know I begin putting up walls to protect myself from some one or something that I hate or fear. My neck tightens up. My stomach is in knots. I cannot concentrate. I want to seek revenge. I begin putting together scenarios of what to do and they are never anything that will bring about healing.  I am hurt. I am pretty much miserable. I have given over control of my feelings to that person or thing that I hate or fear.

How does your body feel when you truly love? I know I feel happy. I feel at peace. I am looking for ways to make others’ lives happy and peaceful. I am giving.  I want to grow. I’m excited about life.

Jesus was willing to take on all the hate of this world because He loved us so deeply. He taught us to love unconditionally especially those who are hardest to love—our enemies. 

Loving our enemies requires discipline. Stretch yourself today and go out and love someone who is not so easy to love. Jesus taught us how to do it but it takes practice.

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” John 13:34 (NIV)

Sketch Pads and the Spiritual Journey

I have a sketch pad that I like to draw in and write in on occasion.  It helps me on my spiritual journey.  It is not beautiful but it is all about the process not the final product. I highly recommend the practice.

Pilgrimage to the Center