What I wish I Could Have Told my 21 year old self

It has been such a long time since I was 21 but as someone getting ready to turn 61 here are some things I wish I could have told my 21 year-old self.

·      God only made one of you and He loves you just as you are.  You are God’s beloved. So work hard to be your authentic self, not someone the world tells you to be.

·      Only God can fill that hole in your soul.  No one on this earth can love you in the way that God loves you so don’t spend time trying to find someone on earth to fill that job.

·      And because you want to be able to be your authentic self you have to allow others to be their authentic self. We can’t control or change anyone so if you think you can change someone to fit the way you think they should be, think again.

·      Today is all you are really promised. Use is wisely to do good just where you are.  Offer a smile and a helping hand to those you meet today whether a friend, a stranger or an enemy.

·      Live simply and be grateful for what you do have.

·      Life is hard. There will always be suffering and struggles but you can choose to live in joy despite those struggles. You can grow from the suffering.

·      “Jesus says, ‘Today we will try again.’” Remember that each day you can start anew.  Tomorrow is gone so today choose to live in the moment and try again to live the way Jesus asks us to live.

·      Celebrate and remember to play. I think I have often forgotten the importance of celebrating and playing.  I have taken things too seriously.

·      Listen to others’ stories and learn from them.  Tell your story often to help others on their journey.

·      Pause often and let your soul catch up.

·      Love. Love God, love yourself, love others.  Love heals all things.

Behold, Children are a Heritage from the Lord

Sitting at a baseball tournament watching seven-year-old children play baseball is an eye-opening experience for me. It is not like I had not had that experience before because both my son and daughter played on travel baseball and softball teams. The difference is this time I am experiencing it as a grandmother.  My only agenda is to watch and support my grandson.

The experience begins much too early on Saturday morning. We have to be on the baseball field, a half an hour away, by 7:00 a.m. to warm up for a game to begin at 8:00 a.m. If we are one minute late, there are consequences for my little grandson. Parents and children awake and the day begins at a frazzled pace. Do we have all the equipment? Is he wearing the right uniform? Do we have drinks and snacks? Are we prepared for the weather and being out most of the day? Mom and dad are cross with each other. Everyone seems to be cross and so the day begins in a cloud of unhappiness.

The trip to the baseball field is filled with chatter about how the team is couched and how it is too much pressure. I hear stories of how parents act and treat their sons. And then we arrive at the field and I get to see first hand all the stories play out. I know all these things happened when I was the parent because as I sit back I remember. The difference now is that I am older and wiser and I am on the other side of this story.

My heart aches as I hear the parents yelling at their small sons all the things they are doing wrong.  “Stop whining….stop being lazy….get your head in the game…..your attitude stinks…..”  I hear the parents complaining about the calls made and how the other team’s parents are acting. Every once in awhile I’m caught up in the moment and find myself wanting to complain about a call. It is easy to fall into the negative energy surrounding me. I attempt to fight my way back and remember that if I say I am a Christian and following Jesus then I am called to live differently.

If you are caught up into thinking that your child has to be engaged 24/7 or they won’t make it in life, pause for a moment and let your soul catch up. So what example are you setting for your children? Are you showing them how to be frazzled and overwhelmed? Are you teaching them to be critical of others? What does your example show them is truly important in life?

Put your phones down and clear your calendars because children grow up way too fast. I know that now because I’m on the other side of the story.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

Psalm 127:3

Sitting in The Holy Space

Several months ago I read about a Mandorla. I drew a picture of one and wrote some notes in my journal. I neglected to write down the source so I apologize that I cannot tell you where I first read about the Mandorla.

My notes say a Mandorla inspires action. It is the union of opposites. It offers a place to sit with the tension. It is balm for wounds. Since the drawing in my journal was a little rough, I decided to use my computer to make a more pleasing picture of the mandorla from my journal. 

Instead of rushing to judgment, what would it be like to sit with the tension? It seems we all think our way is the right way and we refuse to listen to any other side. Today pause and sit in the holy space, the place where opposites are united. Listen and remember:

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this:

Everyone should be quick to listen,

slow to speak and

slow to become angry.

James 1:19 (NIV)

Where Is Your Treasure?

I am overwhelmed with the task of helping my mother clean out 60+ years of stuff. The stuff I call junk, my mom calls treasure.

How can we look at the same stuff and have such a different opinion? My mom grew up in the depression. I grew up in a time of plenty.

"Cindy where is your treasure?" I feel God calling out to me. "Are you too busy being frustrated and overwhelmed by the whole process that you are missing out on the real treasure? You have been given the gift of time to spend with your mom.  Pause and see the treasure."

Plan a Sabbatical, Not a Vacation

I love the word Sabbatical. It's better than the word vacation. 
Sabbatical implies reflection, intention, and a break from everything. 
It makes you feel like you have permission to unplug, unwind, and remove 
yourself from the daily grind. I used to say that I didn’t go on vacation, 
I just parented in a different location. Now I wish I had said, my family is taking a sabbatical---a sacred time for us to be together with no interruptions.

--Rev. Becca Stephens

Peace, joy, happiness and a feeling of being well-loved and loving well were my hopes for our first family vacation as a blended family.  I had been watching the stress of everyday life take a toll on our family and I wanted to provide a place where we could let go of the stress and play. 

In this day and age of a need to constantly be entertained and run at full speed I thought it would make it hard for a week of just being on the beach. God gave us important wisdom in telling us to be still.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

We all settled into a rhythm of play and rest. We were loving and respectful to each other. We were able to let down our hair so to speak and just be. What a wonderful gift this week was for all of us. During the week, God was showing me how he is answering my prayers for my family. I might have missed this if I had not taken the time to listen.

God asks us to spend time getting to know him and getting to know ourselves. This is impossible if we do not take time out to listen and to just be.

We’re becoming a nation of quickaholics—people compulsively

seeking out quick and easy

ways to live & solve problems,

avoiding what is deep, difficult, and therefore growth producing.

--When the Heart Waits, Sue Monk Kidd (3)

The past few years have been a difficult time for our family but we are choosing to not seek the quick and easy way to live and solve our problems but are spending time living the deep and difficult journey. This week allowed me time to see the ways we are all growing from the deep and difficult work of getting to know ourselves and God.

Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.” But how in a culture of now?

In a world of “doing” how do you make time for just “being”?

Plan a sabbatical, not a vacation, that will give you time to reflect and take a break from the crazy, busy world. Our family time together was worth every cent, every worry and every moment of planning spent to make it happen. God was showing me that he is in control. Once I let go of trying to control the week he took over and made it perfect!

As God says, For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21.

“Day by day remind yourself that you are going to die.” RB 4.47

“Day by day remind yourself that you are going to die.” RB 4.47 

            Last May when I became an Oblate candidate with Our Lady of Grace Monastery, little did I know how much this part of the rule would become so much of my every-day life.  Remind yourself daily that you are going to die. And don’t forget to remind yourself those you love dearly will die some day, too.

In June my mother-in-law fell and broke her collarbone and cracked her ribs.  It began an almost daily pilgrimage from Indianapolis to Columbus to check on her at the nursing home rehab center.  We would get off work, make a sandwich to eat in the car, make the hour-long trip, stay with her for several hours and get back home about 10-11 p.m. just to turn around and do it all again the next day.  Each day she would tell us she just wanted to die and why didn’t God take her. She felt she had lived a long-life and she was ready to go. In August she was released to go home and it was nice to see her back home with some help.

My husband had been diagnosed with kidney disease a few years ago and his number had remained steady but in the fall, his number fell and the kidney doctor started talking about kidney transplant, dialysis and setting up doctor’s appointments every two months to monitor his kidneys. We began to talk about what early retirement would look like for him.

For over twenty years my husband cared for an elderly neighbor. She had become a close friend and been with him through some pretty hard times before we met and were married a few years ago. In October we received a phone call from the nursing home that she was nearing death and she passed away.  My husband had to say goodbye to a very dear friend who died without any living relative.  My husband had been her only loyal and devoted friend.

In November my husband gave his two weeks notice and would retire on December 2^nd.  He had worked for the same company for 39 years (six months shy of 40 years).   The company was going through a buy out and everything was in turmoil.  He walked out of a place he had gone to every day for 39 years without any proper good bye.  It seems loyalty to a company is not a valued quality in today’s world. 

That very same day my mother-in-law returned to the emergency room this time with a perforated colon and the prognosis was grim. One doctor suggested we place her on hospice care immediately.  A surgeon gave her 20% chance of living with a drain placed to drain out the infection.  After a week in the hospital, she was moved to nursing home rehab. Almost three months later she has survived two rounds of the terrible bacteria called C Def and has beaten the odds.

In January my brother called me one day at work and told me our mother had fallen and was unable to get up.   We brought her to the emergency room and she was diagnosed with a urinary tract and blood infection and spent a week in the hospital. The day we were bringing mom to rehab, we received the news that our cousin’s son had been killed. He was in his thirties with an eight-year-old daughter and a two-year-old son.

As mom prepares to leave rehab the day after her 87^th birthday, we are awaiting the death of mom’s 93-year-old sister who has been suffering from dementia and only has a few days left to live.

It has been a tiring year and filled with dying to the way life used to be. I really do not know how people without faith can withstand the storm. 

Every day is precious and it may be your last so “Day by day remind yourself that you are going to die” and then live each precious moment loving those God has placed in your path.  And one day….”He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4 (NIV)

Life is Hard. Always Has Been, Always Will Be. Our Attitude Makes All the Difference.

Growing up we had a sandbox in our back yard. I think it began with some sort of boundaries and then my mom got tired of trying to keep the sand in those boundaries and just had the truck deliver sand and pour it around the maple tree in the back yard. It was the meeting place for our neighborhood. Life was good in our sandbox in Hope, Indiana, where we were loved and nurtured by our families and neighborhood.

We often went to our grandparents farm, my mom’s parents, about ten minutes from our house in town where we shared meals and working in the garden with our extended family.  I hated snapping green beans back then but now I often remember those times fondly because we all sat on the porch together telling stories and snapping beans. We were loved and nurtured by our family on that farm.

This past week I sat around the table with my 94-year-old uncle, 93 year-old aunt, 92 year-old aunt, my 86 year-old mom and three of their first cousins. Wow I hope I have inherited some of those genes! We sat and shared many stories of their time of growing up and I am reminded that life is hard. It always has been. It always will be. It is our attitude that makes all the difference in how we live our life.

I think the first time I realized that life is really hard is when two weeks before my 13^th birthday my dad had a massive heart attack and died. My brother was a marine fighting in Viet Nam. My little brother was six and now my mom was a single mom. I can’t begin to imagine how hard that was for my mom and my brothers.  What I do know is that my world was forever changed and that I would spend years trying to heal from the loss of my father. I made many mistakes in my search to heal from this loss.

One of the easiest ways for us to keep life simple is to remember three G’s for a deeper and more solid faith: Grieve fully, feel Gratitude profoundly, and be humble enough to do the Grunt work! That is it, really. It is that simple and that hard. We need to stay open enough to feel the grief of those who have died or left, we need to never forget the gratitude for all the mercy we have been given, and we need to always just do the grunt work and not complain about it! Sometimes when we try to explain it more, we just dilute the message. And the message is simply Love Heals.

An Excerpt from Letters from the Farm  Becca Stevens

Several years ago I chose to no longer be a victim and to begin to live life with an attitude of forgiveness and gratitude. Many blessings have come these last few years. But just when I think life will not be hard, I am again reminded that life is hard. It always has been. It always will be. It is my attitude that will make a difference in how I live my life. 

“This is the day the Lord hath made. Let me be glad and rejoice in it.”