Healing and becoming a Wounded Healer

I read a book a couple of years ago called Healing the Eight Stages of Life by Matthew and Dennis Linn and their sister Sheila Fabricant. It started me on a path of forgiveness. "So often our hurts go way back to our parents....."  As I reflected on my past marriage, I began to see how our past had influenced us and that we had not been able to heal from those hurts.

"When adults are asked about the most unhappy or stressful time in their life, they usually pick the teenage years." I was twelve years old, actually two weeks before my thirteen birthday, when my father passed away.  Eric Erikson's eight stages of life tell me that I was in the stage of Identity vs. Identity Confusion (12-18 years of age). I've spent my whole life trying to find my identity and my self esteem.  When conflict arose, I went into hiding because I didn't have healthy boundaries. I did not know where to draw the lines.

When my ex-husband was three years old, his mother had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized. He was sent to live with his aunt and uncle who lived out of town. Eric Erikson calls the stage between eighteen months to three years the stage of autonomy vs shame and doubt. "Anyone around a two-year-old knows that child's favorite words: "no," "my," "mine," "I." Reflecting on the possibility that my ex-husband had been so severely hurt at age three, I could see the possibility that he had not been able to grow out of the stage of "I".  I began to look back on his behavior and see him as a three-year-old throwing a temper tantrum and how everything revolved around his wants and needs.

The journey to forgiveness began when I searched deeper for the why. I will never fully understand the why but at least I could forgive and move on in life. By not hiding my wounds but opening them up to be examined, I allowed my wounds to heal. I have become a wounded healer.
  

Love is a Spiritual Discipline

Love is a Spiritual Discipline

Cindy Sturgeon

⁴⁴ But I tell you this: love your enemies. Pray for those who torment you and persecute you— ⁴⁵ in so doing, you become children of your Father in heaven. He, after all, loves each of us—good and evil, kind and cruel. He causes the sun to rise and shine on evil and good alike. He causes the rain to water the fields of the righteous and the fields of the sinner. Matthew 5:44-45 (The Voice)

Why does Jesus tell us to love our enemies? Really, who wants to love their enemies?

How does your body feel when you hate?  I know I begin putting up walls to protect myself from some one or something that I hate or fear. My neck tightens up. My stomach is in knots. I cannot concentrate. I want to seek revenge. I begin putting together scenarios of what to do and they are never anything that will bring about healing.  I am hurt. I am pretty much miserable. I have given over control of my feelings to that person or thing that I hate or fear.

How does your body feel when you truly love? I know I feel happy. I feel at peace. I am looking for ways to make others’ lives happy and peaceful. I am giving.  I want to grow. I’m excited about life.

Jesus was willing to take on all the hate of this world because He loved us so deeply. He taught us to love unconditionally especially those who are hardest to love—our enemies. 

Loving our enemies requires discipline. Stretch yourself today and go out and love someone who is not so easy to love. Jesus taught us how to do it but it takes practice.

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” John 13:34 (NIV)

Sketch Pads and the Spiritual Journey

I have a sketch pad that I like to draw in and write in on occasion.  It helps me on my spiritual journey.  It is not beautiful but it is all about the process not the final product. I highly recommend the practice.

Pilgrimage to the Center

Welcome God's personal visit

Luke 19:41-44The Message (MSG)

^41-44 When the city came into view, he wept over it. “If you had only recognized this day, and everything that was good for you! But now it’s too late. In the days ahead your enemies are going to bring up their heavy artillery and surround you, pressing in from every side. They’ll smash you and your babies on the pavement. Not one stone will be left intact. All this because you didn’t recognize and welcome God’s personal visit.”

Growing My Relationship with God

Last week I did some soul searching to come up with a mission statement for me. What do I value in life? What is important to me? Once I wrote down three things to focus on, I begin to write out how I would discipline myself to keep these things important. How can I live what I believe? My first focus is on growing a closer relationship with God so that my actions show others the goodness of God. How will I develop a relationship with God? One practice I came up with is following St. Ignatius of Loyola's Examen. I put an alarm on my phone to go off at 8:30 p.m. and with the message "How was your day? What are you grateful for? It went off last night for the first time just as my husband and I were finishing up picking up some supplies at the store. It generated a conversation between us about what had been good about the day and what we were grateful for. How can you set little reminders throughout the day to help you grow your relationship with God?

Master Evil with Good

"Impulsive responses allow evil to master us, something we will always regret. But a well thought through response will help us to 'master evil with good'."--Henri Nouwen

Once you have nailed a hole in the board even if you pull the nail out, the hole remains. So it is with words you speak that harm. You may be sorry but the nail has been driven into board with the evil words forever leaving a hole. Stop and breathe before you say something you will regret.